Michael Bay diarrhea
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
