OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
