He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
