My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
