ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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