And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
