Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
