he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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