he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
it glows. i had to have it.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
