Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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