my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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