The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
