ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
