I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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