just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
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