You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
this is an emotional support booty call
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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