im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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