i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
