first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
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