I think my vagina is haunted
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
