At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
