dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
