wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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