its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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