You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Randomize
