Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Randomize
