Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
