my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
