Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
