i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
