we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
mondays should just be called national damage control day
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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