Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
