Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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