sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
