Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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