I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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