You really coming over, don't trick.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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