dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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