It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
