I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Sext me about skeletons
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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