I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
