The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Your penis caused this!
Never underestimate the power of titties
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