escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
