my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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