I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
