i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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