Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
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