just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
OPIZZABONMYDICK
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
did i just pee glitter
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
