i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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