i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
