the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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