my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
