Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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