3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
